Moving Day

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Today's the day! Our daughter is coming home from college! We're optimistic that we can fit all of her stuff into the car and still have room for her (after all, we did it in August, right?), but there's one thing I'm less optimistic about.

Where all of that stuff is going when it gets home.

I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to be tripping over boxes for a bit, and this might actually be cute for the first few days. She's home, after all, and this is the evidence!

But it will also get old fast.

So, last weekend, in preparation for this, I considered clearing some space in the basement. But, it was finals week and I had stacks of papers to grade, along with an out-of-town party to attend, so this was an optimistic plan.

Luckily, when we arrived yesterday, she was nearly packed and the piles were not as enormous as I'd feared.

I think we might just pull this off.

Still, when we get home, all of that stuff needs to find a place to live for the summer. Much of it will go into her room, some of it will go in the mud room, disappearing bit by bit as she eases back into life at home, and the rest will go into the basement, where the lack of available space will, I hope, inspire me to get rid of a few things (mine, not hers).

In any event, this transition will inspire changes, as transitions usually do. I'm sure this move will teach us something about the impermanence of this time of life, along with generating some useful ideas for dorm life next year.

It should be interesting.

3 Keys Thursday: 3 Keys (x2) to Sending Them Off to School

Dodgerton Skillhause via Morguefile

This is, as I might have mentioned once or twice before, my daughter's last full week at home before she officially becomes a college freshman. I promised myself I'd be at her disposal this week, so shopping lists have replaced my to-do list nearly every day this week...which is why I'm writing this post about six hours later than usual.

I've learned a few things this week, as well as being reminded often that organizing is a fluid process, one that doesn't always go according to plan. Here are a few of my lessons from this week of preparing to send my baby out into the world.

Make a list--early. Last spring, I found a fantastic list of all the things (and then some) my daughter would need for school. It was a wonderful starting point, and I've been both adding to it and chipping away at it since sometime in May. Its sheer length inspired me to pick up extras of toiletries on each trip to Target so we didn't have to do a massive shopping spree when nerves were stretched and tempers were short. In addition, it nudged me to consider things I hadn't thought about and, now that many things have been crossed off, it's serving as the "last minute details" list.

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Personalize it. In addition to the adding and chipping away we did on our own, we added things that my daughter wanted. I also sought out advice from those who'd done this already, specifically, what were the things they'd wished they'd had but didn't think of? This list included everything from tools to cold beverages and snacks to Amazon Prime, which will keep me from packing everything but the kitchen sink since whatever we forget will be just a few clicks away, and....

You will forget things. This one's for all of you perfectionists out there. Reduce your stress by making it your goal to forget as few things as possible rather than to forget nothing at all. If you haven't done this before, or haven't done this since your own college days, you will forget something. Aiming to do otherwise merely adds unnecessary stress to an already stressful situation. Why do you think the parents who've done this before recommend Amazon Prime?

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Resign yourself to the fact that it won't go as planned. Beautiful, detailed plans can be tools, but they can also be recipes for disaster. This college thing is a big deal in your child's life, and probably yours as well. There will be days (weeks...) when your allegedly grown-up kid can't deal with the realities of this transition and/or she gets a better offer from one of those friends she's going to be saying goodbye to all too soon. When those days hit (and coincide with the days you planned to shop and reduce the to-do list), it's easy to get frustrated. One of you has to stay calm, and you've got a better shot at it than your child does.

Be flexible. Make lists and make plans, but expect them to change (see #4 above). In addition, be prepared to be flexible about who's in charge and let your child lead the way sometimes. This is their life they're preparing for, so let them own the preparations as much as possible. Not only is it good practice for what lies ahead, but sometimes, they have good ideas.

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Make your relationship with your child the most important thing. When I stop to think about the fact that this is my last week with my child in this phase of our lives, I begin to dissolve into a puddle. Consequently, I don't think about that very much, but instead, focus on enjoying every moment she grants me. Long after these preparations are complete and your child is launched, he or she will remember how you handled these days. And, even if she doesn't, you owe it to your child--and yourself--to relish this time. No matter how challenging he or she may make it.

I know I still have a lot to learn, and I'm hoping that this time next year, I won't be undone by last minute orders and shopping trips, but somehow, I don't think that will be the case. As I read the posts of other parents who are traveling this same road, we all seem to be reminding ourselves (or are being reminded by someone else) that our children's readiness for this next step is a reflection of all that has come before.

And that's something to celebrate.

Packing it In

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I've spent a lot of time traveling this summer, and have really come to appreciate the organizing habits I've developed when it comes to packing. Though I'm not as good at traveling light as my daughter, who managed to get everything she needed for a weekend in New York into one backpack (thanks partially to supplemental space from her parents), I've definitely streamlined the packing process.

But now, we're getting ready to pack my daughter up and take her to school, and, from what I'm reading, this process comes with a whole new set of rules. While it can be hard to know what to pack and what to leave behind for a week long vacation, that's nothing compared to sending your first (and, in our case, only) child off to school with "the basic necessities." (Luckily, she's more low maintenance than her mother).

Then, there's the process of getting it all into the car. I still remember how stuffed my dad's car was when my parents took me to school. What I don't remember is how we got it all in there.

From what I've been reading, and from what I've learned, flexibility is key. I keep hearing about trash bags and laundry baskets and, while some of that makes sense (smooshy stuff compresses more easily than rigid crates or suitcases), my I need to see it style is cringing at the uniformity and wondering how on earth we'll distinguish one garbage bag from another upon arrival, making unpacking much more complicated than it needs to be.

So, while we'll use garbage bags to cover the hanging clothes, that's about as far as I plan to take that particular container. So far, here's the rest of the plan.

Pack inside the stuff that's going to stay. We're not buying a lot ahead of time, but my daughter does have a few things in mind (including the aforementioned laundry basket, which she already got as a graduation gift from a clever friend). Those will need to do double duty--packing containers now, storage later.

Keep similar items together. This is one of those at-home rules that applies to travel, too. Why make extra work if we don't have to?

Label liberally. It's going to be a very emotional day. No need to add to the drama with multiple mystery packages.

Keep it flexible. As I said before, smooshy stuff compresses more easily. Duffel bags and totes are easier to distinguish from one another than a whole cache of white garbage bags.

Now I'm going to hand off to you. If you've been down this road, what suggestions can you offer?

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Buried Treasure

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Last Saturday, while I was waiting for my washing machine to finish the last few minutes of its cycle, I started poking around in the piles of stuff in my basement. Previously, I've referred to my basement only as the place I go to visit my container collection so I can see if I already have what I need before I spend money on something new.

Until now, I haven't mentioned that my basement is also the packrat museum.

When my daughter was small, she was the embodiment of an I love stuff personal style. With age, she's acquired less patience with extraneous stuff, and has actually gotten pretty good at weeding out. This is a very good thing since she goes to college in the fall and will be living in a very small space.

But I digress. The fact is, my daughter didn't come by these tendencies by accident, as thirty seconds in my basement will prove. Though I've also grown more ruthless with age, I still have a hard time letting go of things that have sentimental value (and so does my husband). When these mementos collect in the living spaces of my house, it's less of a problem than when they gather in my basement.

Does that sound backwards? Let me explain. Over time and with frequent pruning, only the real treasures survive in the living spaces. But, since pruning and purging happen less often in my basement than dumping and forgetting (an unfortunate cousin of drop and run), the aforementioned piles of stuff grow unchecked for long periods of time. This makes the overwhelming collections of stuff in my basement a perfect place to practice the Give it Five! strategy.

Last Saturday's Give it Five! yielded two items for the recycle bin and plans for some empty containers. First, I started filling an empty box with random items I "discovered" and want to donate. When the box is full, I'll call one of the agencies that collects household items and they'll come and pick it up. Easy enough.

I also started another bin. This one will collect things my daughter will need when she leaves home in the fall -- items from the massive shopping list I printed out last weekend and plan to chip away at this summer. This second inspiration came when I unearthed old blankets and comforters we'd saved "just in case." I'll wash and pack what she needs and wash and donate what she doesn't, and slowly divest myself of unnecessary stuff as I make the transition to this new phase of her life.

Photo: Ashley Schweitzer via Minimograhy

My Give it Five! session also yielded some unexpected emotional treasure. This time, instead of finding something I wanted to hang on to, I found something I was ready to let go of: the planner from my last year as a school counselor.

When I retired, I kept that planner (along with some others that are still packed away) for both practical and emotional reasons. Four years later, getting rid of it was like letting go of old baggage. The planner represented an old part of my life, one I've slowly let go of over the last four years. What's important from that time remains in my memory, nurtured by the interactions I still have with friends from that time. I don't need a planner for those things. And four-year-old appointments certainly don't need to take up room in my basement.

After removing personal information from the planner, I placed it in the recycling bin. It didn't take up much space, which seemed a little strange.

In the short space of time between rinse and spin, I let go of the past and made plans for the future.

Not bad for five minutes in the basement.