A Little Ownership Goes a Long Way

 

 As we once again fall into fall and try to keep the home-school communication running smoothly, it seemed like a good time to re-share this post.

True Confession #24: I like to do things my way. Everyone who knows me, along with anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis is laughing at the understatement that is that sentence.

I'm not inflexible. I just know what I like.

But this post isn't about me. It's about your kids.

As we all spend lots of -- ahem -- quality time together, melding home and school and every possession, plaything, or educational material into one big, overwhelming, previously organized space, we may be struggling to keep it -- I mean things -- together. And we all know what we like.

And it's probably not happening.

Believe it or not, kids have organizing styles too. Sometimes they match ours, sometimes they don't. But a surefire way to keep your kids from organizing their stuff is to disregard their styles and do it yourself (a.k.a. according to your styles) because it's easier. It might be easier (and faster) but, rather than teaching them how to organize, it's teaching them that if they leave things disorganized for long enough, someone else will come along behind them and organize it for them.

Sometimes, after the organizing angel has worked her magic (although at my house, the angel is more likely to moonlight as a dad), the children in question have the nerve -- no, the gall! -- to complain about how it was done.

Can you believe that?

What looks like a serious case of entitlement is often a difference in styles. I'm not promising you that if you ask your children what their styles are that they will magically fall in line and put away every last possession, plaything, and educational material without being asked. But I am suggesting that you ask them what might work for them.

Maybe even give them this very scientific quiz I made up.

She might be too young to figure out how to
organize on her own, but her big sister
probably isn't. (Photo: Kasman via Pixabay)

Teaching our kids to organize most often begins with modeling the strategies that come naturally to us. Some of our kids will adopt those same strategies and develop organizing systems that look like ours and, when it comes time to clean up at the end of the day, they will do so to our satisfaction.

Others will not but, when we offer them alternatives, they might develop their own strategies and systems. They might even like the responsibility of caring for their own things when they can do it their way. Even better, it's possible that they've learned a thing or two from all those things that didn't work. With a little encouragement and a lot of flexibility, we can help them develop a life skill while they're still living at home where we can appreciate it.

Adults don't have the market cornered on wanting to do things our way. Honoring your child's styles can, in the end, make both of you happy.

After all, everyone loves a little ownership.