Part of my morning routine includes answering a question in my One Question a Day for Self-Care journal. I'm on year two of the three-year journal, and discovering so far that this year's answers aren't that different from last year's.
But one recent question proved an exception, or at least an indication of growth: "How realistic are your expectations for yourself?"
This is, indeed, something I've been working on for several years. Work-life balance. Time management. Pausing before saying yes to everything. Reasonable to-do lists.
It's that last one that inspired an aha moment for me. This year, I have to say my expectations are pretty reasonable. Part of this is due to the work I've been doing to make it so, but another part has to do with a tool I've written about here before.
My planner.
Against all odds and personal expectations, I adopted an undated planner almost three years ago, and I'm currently on Volume 6 (the sixth physical copy of the planner). What makes this planner so special is that it aligns with my thinking -- the time management version of organizing by STYLE.
I've written about this concept and this planner before, so I won't go on and on about it here. Instead, I'll say something else I've said (a lot) before.
It's a process.
What does all of this have to do with my expectations?
The layout of each planner page allows space for only three priority items each day. Sure, I can try to cram four, five, or even six into the space, but the visual alone is proof that my expectations aren't realistic.
Below the three priorities, there's plenty of room for a to-do list for everything else, but the tacit expectation is that those are not expectations for the day but, rather, extras. If I get to them, great. If I don't, that's okay too.
After nearly three years of shaping my expectations in this way, it has become a way of thinking for me: What are the most important things I need to do today? Those are the items that make the top three. Sure, there are days when I cram four things into the space for three, but I recognize that making that the norm isn't a good idea.
Neuroscience is clear that, from a brain perspective, what we do is who we become. The more we practice healthy habits, whether for body, mind, soul, or some combination of the three, the more those habits become an ingrained part of not just our routines, but of who we are as well. Sometimes we're aware of our own becoming as it's happening; other times, we see our growth only in hindsight. Either way, it's a process, one that takes time and patience.
How realistic are your expectations for yourself? And do you have the tools to help you meet them?
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