I've reached the point in the semester where I'm crafting and posting my blogs way too late in the day...as evidenced by the fact that two recent posts intended for my Porch Swing Chronicles blog ended up here instead.
Oops. Let's just call those "bonus content."
I'm back on track now, with the features you're used to seeing here. This one is for all the parents whose college age students have returned home for break, as well as those (like me), whose graduates are starting off their post-college careers in their childhood bedrooms, another side-effect of finishing college during a pandemic.
I haven't said it for a while, so I'll say it now. It's a process :-)
Then:
My daughter is home! And she brought all of her stuff! Today's post focuses on three questions to ask myself so I can be the cool mom who doesn't bring the Grinch to Christmas, but who still reclaims her living space.
- Who? Who does the stuff belong to? Her stuff, her responsibility...but yelling and screaming and nagging won't get the job done. In fact, since my daughter is so much like me, it will probably lengthen the process and make everyone miserable as well -- not the end result I'm aiming for at Christmas. Pitching in a little at a time (removing things from where they don't belong and putting them in the space where they do belong) helps both of us feel less put upon.
- Where? Finding logical homes is key -- perhaps even more so since some things will stay here only until she packs up again early next month, some will need to be stored until fall semester and some will likely take up residence here until some (undisclosed) time after graduation. The "a little at a time" approach described above helps ensure that we don't simply move the piles without improving the situation.
- When? As soon as possible. Every trip between the places where things were dropped and the places where they'll be stored is an opportunity to improve the current state of affairs. My mom used to tell us to never go upstairs empty-handed, and this advice applies now more than ever. Our stairs are currently populated with a wide variety of items that need to go from one floor to the next. Every trip upstairs takes us closer to organization.
There are certainly other approaches that will work. Some of these include setting a deadline by which this must all be done (I have one in my head, but am keeping it to myself in the hopes of actually beating the clock); insisting it all be done now or simply setting aside time and doing it all at once. If these approaches work for you, there's no reason not to use them. Right now, though, my daughter and I are both in the sigh-of-relief mode that follows a busy semester and, if doing this in a relaxed, yet consistent manner gets the job done, I much prefer that to ultimatums. In addition, I'd like her to be able to walk in her bedroom (something that will be impossible if we simply move piles from one place to another). Perhaps more important, I have faith that, after a few days with some down time, this will bug her enough that she'll tackle it on her own.
Years ago, a principal I worked for used to ask if "this" -- whatever the issue before us was -- was a hill we were willing to die on.
It isn't.
Overwhelming someone who's already overwhelmed is never a logical solution. Spending the all-too-brief time I have with my daughter under our roof arguing over dishes and clothes is not my idea of time well spent. So, we'll make slow, but steady progress, keeping the who/where/when questions in mind and enjoying one another's company along the way.
Organization is important, but it isn't everything.
Now:
My daughter is home! And so is all her stuff! And they both live here 24-7.
I love having her here, but negotiating a parent-young adult relationship under the same roof after spending four years adjusting to an empty nest is (say it with me) a process. And managing the stuff is just one piece of the puzzle.
We both know her time here is limited, but we don't have a definite endpoint. We both know her stuff will go with her when she goes off on her next adventure, but we don't know when (or what) that will be. Until then, we have a household and a half all crammed into the same house because it's no longer just the stuff she brought with her freshman year. It's also all the stuff she acquired in the four years that followed.
The questions in the post above still apply but, with more stuff to manage in an unspecified time frame, a healthy dose of patience is required. While there's no one-size-fits-all solution, it's important to remember that what we do surrounding her stuff is likely to make her feel more or less welcome here -- a bigger issue than what goes where.
Together, we're figuring it out. Her styles, my styles, and my husband's styles frequently collide when it comes to the shared spaces in the house but, as has always been the case, her room is her space -- her zone, her respite, her launching pad. In that space, she can organize as she sees fit. Meanwhile, I try to limit my nagging to the areas that really push my buttons because as much as I like my house to be organized, making it a home is more important. I want this to be the place where she feels welcome, no matter how old she is or how much stuff she has.
Organization is important, but it isn't everything.
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