Friday Feature: Stress

With the start of a new semester, I'm back in my car again, consuming audio books in small snippets. Under the circumstances, picking up where I left off in Kelly McGonigal's, The Upside of Stress seemed like a good plan.

I've not been disappointed. 

McGonigal, a health psychologist, has a very positive outlook on stress. In fact, she shares research that stress, if we manage it right, can actually be a good thing. 

And that's very good news on a Friday or any other day. 

3 Keys Thursday: When it Falls Apart

A few weeks ago, I was reading an article about mindfulness and/or coping with stress (I don't remember which) and it recommended creating a peaceful space at home that included sentimental objects. I smiled and immediately thought of my office with its newly cleared counter and recently cleared desk, both of which boast more than their fair share of sentimental objects.

Between the time I read the article and now, my beautiful office has become, shall we say, cluttered. As a result, I have become, shall we say, frustrated. The various folders, papers and notebooks I've been using for class prep have taken up residence on far too many flat surfaces. Right now, it's hard to find any semblance of an organizational system in a room that looks a lot like my mind feels.

Fortunately, a system exists, even if it's not currently in evidence, and I need to remind myself that there are predictable times when that system is put to the test.

When we're overbooked. This situation is familiar to anyone with an I love to be busy personal style, but these folks are experts. They live on the line between too busy and just busy enough, which often enables them to get things back into order quickly. The rest of us amateurs might have to work a little harder to restore order but, take heart. As long as the overbooking abates, a system that was working before the fact can be uncovered again.

When life changes. Whether it's a normal development like a teenager leaving the nest or an unwelcome event like a family illness or crisis, life changes can make it hard to keep up, let alone keep up appearances. The ebb and flow of belongings and material goods that accompany these changes can further complicate matters. Sometimes, the old systems remain sustainable; other times, they need to change, too. 

When our schedule changes. Most of us grow accustomed to some degree of routine and, when our routine goes by the wayside, our organizational systems can falter as well. A return to routine might mean a return to the systems we've always used. Alternatively, a new life routine might call for a new organizational routine to go with it.

While we can't avoid these types of changes or the organizational frustrations that accompany them,  understanding that they are temporary and/or transitional can help us to see them as organizational turning points rather than organizational crises. This simple reframing can help us to go easier on ourselves when the spaces we've worked so hard to clear off become temporarily littered with the detritus of life. 

As for me, I dealt with my rising frustration tonight by falling back on a tried-and-true technique: Give it Five! While an actual return to order will require more time, five minutes was enough to create some clear space and help me to see the promise of progress, even if the bigger steps that I need to take have to wait until this weekend when I have more time. 

I know that next week, I'll likely find myself in this position again because I remain in that transitional space between summer and the school year. I'm sure I'll have to make adjustments, especially if I find weak spots in my existing plans, but I've cleared the spaces and I remain committed to not allowing them to return to their former non-glory.

Bring it on, fall semester. I'm ready for your organizational challenges.

True Confessions Wednesday: Storage Rules

True confession #41: I have organizing rules. Last week, I shared my adventures in magazine and book sorting, all of which emerged from my desire to clear out a basket, get rid of some old magazines and create a clipping file. I've made a little more progress, but I'm beginning to think my magazines reproduce when I'm not around. 

In the end, sorting the basket (where this project began) was the tip of the iceberg. I knew I didn't want to put things back into the basket when I was finished because that would just start the cycle all over again. As someone with an I need to see it personal style, I knew that once the reading material landed in the bottom of the basket, I was unlikely to pay any further attention to it, especially as I continued to pile new material on top of the old stuff, obscuring it from view. Things would look organized, but they wouldn't actually be organized; instead, they'd just be neatly piled and hidden from view, which made them more likely to be ignored than enjoyed. 

In order to get to Easy Upkeep, I needed a home for the clippings that made them easy to access and a home for the magazines that kept them visible and easily accessible. Why didn't the clippings need to be visible? Because they are reference materials that can be archived. 

These may sound like random rules but they are at the heart of organizing by STYLE. As someone with an I need to see it personal style, I know that I need to keep active items (magazines to be read) where I can see them. Archived items (clippings and other reference materials) can be kept out of sight, but need a consistent, organized home so they can go from unseen to seen quickly and easily.

Huh?

Despite my personal style, I can't leave everything where I can see it -- that would be chaos. Consequently, I need to be selective about what truly stays visible, what gets placed into eye-catching homes and what can be put away (but kept color-coded, labeled, or similarly organized) until I really need it. 

Truly visible? Anything used frequently or that needs to be attended to immediately. "Frequently" is tough to define, but includes anything used daily. Items used less often are a judgment call, but most likely fall into the second category....stored in an I need to see it fashion. Things that need to be referenced, but aren't used often can actually go out of sight, but need to take my styles into account so they can be easily put away and easily accessed. My clippings ended up in a dedicated bin with lid, stored in labeled, color-coded file folders. Why a bin and not a file cabinet? Because it's easier to lift the lid and drop the clippings in, which suits my drop and run organizational style.

I have to say that very few of my organizing projects get this complicated but, when it comes to reading material, I have a lot of it. And, as someone whose professional home base is her home, I set out to create a system that made it easy to access leisure reading, work reading and the myriad items that live on the line between the two categories.

One last note. Every bin/container/shelf/piece of furniture that houses my reading material has a little room for me to add new items, but not so much space that things can get out of control. This means that, in order for the system to keep working, I need to stay on top of the contents and get rid of outdated material and things that no longer interest me.  

This domino project is almost finished and I'm happy to say that I haven't resorted to tossing random and/or homeless items back into the basket. Though it was a challenge to find consistent, logical homes for everything from clippings to books I want to read, I no longer have the feeling that magazines I stashed somewhere "safe" are lying in wait. They've all been brought out into the light and dealt with -- some made the cut, some did not -- and it felt good to let a lot of them go. Finally, because I have a system that makes sense to me, I know just where to find the ones I want when I need them.

It was a long, circuitous path, but I think I've arrived at Easy upkeep, and I like the view. 

Thursday Then and Now: Different Styles, Different Preferences

It's that time of year. Last week, I posted on Friday instead of Thursday and it wasn't until tonight that I realized that I posted my notes instead of my final copy of the post. 

Oops. Sorry about that. 

Back to school preparations are usually time-consuming and somewhat stressful but, this year, they come with an extra dollop of stress, which is apparently impacting me even more than I realize. 

So, in order to a avoid another Friday post or, worse yet, one that's as incoherent as the one I posted by accident last week, I'm going with one from the archives. 

See you next week.

As an I need to see it person, I love dumping "stuff" out of my head and onto paper. But, if the list gets too long, I need to subdivide it -- and sometimes create smaller lists on separate sheets of paper -- so I don't get overwhelmed. Whether I'm creating lists or setting goals, this process, true to my personal style, leads the way.

Different styles have different preferences. For example:

• If your personal style is I need to see it,  you might subdivide and color-code.

• If you're a cram and jammer, you might consider it a personal challenge to get as many items as possible onto a single page.

• If you're a drop and run organizer, perhaps you make your list, set it down and then forget about it, only to return to it later.

• If you have an I love stuff personal style, you might need to find just the right paper before you can begin to create your list.

• If you're an I know I put it somewhere organizer, you might make fabulous lists only to have them go missing because you put them in a "safe place."

• If you have an I love to be busy personal style, you might separate your lists by activity, giving each its own column, or maybe even its own sheet of paper.

In my case, my list-making (and, by extension, my goal-setting layout) definitely reflects my styles, but that's not necessarily true for everyone. Whether your list-making style mimics your personal and/or organizational styles or deviates from them isn't what matters. What matters is whether or not your process, whether for making lists or setting goals -- works for you. With lists, as with all other aspects of organizing, one size does not fit all. 

If you're not sure what your style is, or suspect it might have changed over time, check out the styles quiz and see where your answers fall. Then, keep them in mind as you create lists and set goals, whether for organization or some other aspect of your life.  

True Confessions Wednesday: One Thing Leads to Another

True confession #40: I am a serial organizer.  Have you ever seen the Golden Girls episode where the girls ask Sophia what she did that day and she says, "What did I do today? I did what I do every day. I bought a nectarine." The full episode, which includes Sophia's point-of-view alongside the girls' perspective, reveals that Sophia did much, much more.

Often, we look at our days and underestimate our accomplishments. One of the reasons I love taking small steps when I tackle an organizing project is that most of my projects turn out to be bigger than I expected them to be.

Take my most recent project: organizing magazines and creating a clipping file. This actually emerged from my desire to empty a basket full of reading materials that I hadn't touched in ages.

The first step was easy enough -- sort the basket -- and I knew that would take more than one session. The basket was deep and full of magazines, each of which takes up very little space, which means that basket housed a lot of magazines. Once upon a time, that was a selling point. Now, I recognize that basket as an I need to see it stumbling block.

But I digress.

Unsatisfied merely sorting the magazines and clippings, I decided to gather up the homeless magazines that were sitting on surfaces and add them to the pile.

See what I did there? I complicated matters from the very first step. My aim was to be thorough but, by doing this, I lengthened the process and, by extension, the amount of time it would take to complete it. 

By the time I was (mostly) finished this (multi-day) project, I'd gone from the basket to the bookshelf in the living room to the bookshelf in the mudroom to the magazine baskets in various locations to the bins of reading material, also in the living room. Each was emptied, sorted and its contents put into a (newly) designated location. 

In the process of doing this project, I identified my target areas (the containers that needed to be sorted), evaluated my containers, and looked on Pinterest for magazine storage ideas. (I rejected most of what I found -- they looked nice, but my goal was to reduce the stacks not just make what I had look better). I considered all the possible reading material storage areas in my house (thus the trek from basket to bookshelf to bin and back) and ended up cleaning those out, too. I sorted magazines by title and designated logical homes for everything, based on how much space they took up and how long I expected to keep them.

Every single one of these things could be a single small step -- a single session, or part of longer one.

For me, they were a combination. I have a lot of reading material. The good news is that nearly everything (except for a few things left to be sorted this weekend) now has a logical home that fits my organizing and reading habits. I know where everything is and I know where everything goes.

What did I do for the last two weekends? I cleared out a basket.

If you'll forgive another 80s reference, The Fixx was right. One thing does lead to another.

True Confessions Wednesday: Agree to Disagree

True confession #39: I respect professional organizers, but I don't always agree with them.

Last week, I read a great article about decluttering, aimed at an audience who's in a downsizing time of life. While I didn't agree with every recommendation, I thought it was a great piece because with ten potential starting points, most of us can easily find a place to dig in.

As a voracious reader on the topic of organization, I've seen many of these tips before. Because I know organizing by STYLE works for me, I did what I always do when I read one of these articles. I put all ten of them through my I need to see it/drop and run filter.

1. Books you won't read again. Agree. Sometimes I'm successful in putting a book directly into the giveaway pile when I finish it. Other times, they languish on my shelves, taking up space until I either run out of space or review my choices in my annual Christmas purge. Either way, they go into a bag I can take to my local library, which accepts book donations -- at least when we're not in the midst of a pandemic.

2. Clothes you or your family has outgrown. Agree. Consign, sell or donate the best, toss the rest.

3. Movies and music on CD, DVD, or anything else. Agree to disagree. The article recommends going digital (good plan) and/or replacing the cases with less bulky storage. Whether or not the latter suggestion makes sense depends on the size of your collection, your storage space and, of course, your styles. While I can't argue that there are more streamlined solutions than plastic cases, I will argue that, right now at least, my storage for these items works for me and my styles and protects my investment without intruding into my home. 

4. Old, expired canned good. Completely agree. In addition, this is a great starting point because the decision is black and white. Something either is expired or it isn't.

5. Obsolete gadgets, electronics, and appliances. Agree. For these items, the question is where to take them. Most of ours end up at Best Buy, which has recycled pretty much everything we've ever wanted to get rid of. If you'd like to do more than recycle your old cell phone, programs like Cell Phones for Soldiers and Recycling for Charities recycle the technology for a cause, and some carriers will buy back your cell phone or use its value toward the purchase of a new one. If you're disposing of electronics, always check local regulations to see what can and cannot safely go into the trash.

6. Papers, please. Agree and disagree. As someone with an I need to see it personal style, I struggle to find the sweet spot between hard copies and electronic copies. When it comes to some things, I will always be a paper girl. 

7. Faded photos. Agree. While I'm not advocating a purge of photo albums (nor was the article), I know that tossing just duplicate, out-of-focus, and "who is this person?" photos would significantly reduce my photo pile. Here again, the battle between printed photos and digital copies at my house is ongoing.

8. Knickknacks and doodads-a-plenty. Agree...kind of. This one hits home for me. While part of me longs for clear spaces, the rest of me is sentimental enough to hang on to all kinds of things others would part with in a millisecond. As with anything else, duplicates (how many key rings or magnets do I really need?) and anything that takes up space without also meaning something to its owner can be the first to go. 

9. Large, oversized furniture. Agree to disagree. For me, the comfort factor outweighs the space factor. I'd toss our dining room chairs in the trash before I'd get rid of the chairs from my parents' house -- the ones that are living in the basement because there's no room in our living space for them. Definitely not logical on some levels, but when I finally sit down to relax, I want to be comfortable.

10. Anything else that's not nailed down. Agree. The writer went on to explain this as a catch-all category, rather than a literal suggestion, citing the "when's the last time this was used?" argument -- a valid question, even if it's not the only criteria for hanging on to something or getting rid of it. 

How did these tips fare in your style filter? While they're a great starting point for anyone looking to tackle the L of STYLE ("Let it go!"), the suggestions in articles like these they won't fit every style. They can, however, provide us with the nudge we need to start somewhere. 

And that's often the hardest part of the process.

From the Vault: Organizing with Kids

Organizing with kids can be a blast. Or it can be a nightmare. They can bring enthusiasm and great ideas to the process, or they can dig their heels in and pout.

It's tough. No one likes to work on something that's hard for them. And most kids who struggle with organization feel a lot like we adults who are organizational works-in-progress. Embarrassed. Self-conscious. Wondering why the rest of the world "gets it" and they don't.

For that reason, it's important to keep in mind that helping kids get organized is only half the battle. If we don't help them to develop self-confidence along the way, we may win the battle, but lose the war. So, if we want to discourage pouting and encourage enthusiasm, it's important that we:

• Give them ownership. We may think we have the perfect tools, containers or answers for them, but our perfect tools may not be their perfect tools. And, if they won't use them, we'll only end up back where we started...and a little poorer. Help them figure out their styles (but don't label them -- ask them where they think they fit instead) and offer suggestions, but let them have the final say. I can promise you it won't work every time, but getting organized is a learning process. We sometimes learn as much from what doesn't work as we do from what does. 
• Give them a budget. Because this is a learning process, there's no sense breaking the bank on the first tool that comes to mind. Dollar bins and dollar stores are full of great stuff. When I taught lessons to elementary school kids, one of the most sought-after items was a purple cheetah print box with dividers that I got in the dollar bins at Target. I had kids offering to buy it from me! Creative kids are often just as happy coming up with their own solutions (maybe even re-purposing something you already have on and) and personalizing them. 

• Give them encouragement. Hard as it may be if you're a parent for whom organizing comes easily, try not to judge. They know that cramming papers into a small space, collecting every rock and crayon or dropping their shoes in the middle of the floor isn't the ideal organizational system. Gently redirect (if you can) and figure out a home and a system that works for both of you. Ask your child where he or she would put things...or, if possible, locate a container in the spot where he or she naturally drops stuff. Notice when something gets put where it belongs, returns home uncrushed and unfolded or can be found when it's needed. You don't have to throw a party. A smile will do. Maybe even an acknowledgment or a hug, if that works for both of you.

freepik.com

• Give them a timer. When you're a kid, fifteen minutes on the playground goes by in 30 seconds and fifteen minutes spent organizing takes an hour and a half. Agree on a stopping point -- whether it's in minutes, items put away, or a bite-sized task completed -- and then stick to it. Believe it or not, the kid who's allowed to stop when the timer goes off just might keep going. For some of us, getting started is the hardest part. If they're allowed to stop before they get frustrated, it'll be easier to get them to start the next time.

If you, like me, are an organizational work-in-progress, you get this. It may be hard to stick to when you feel as though the task is insurmountable, 

but you understand the feelings that come with organizational challenges. 

For you fabulous Type A parents who organize as easily as you breathe, this is going to be a challenge. Baby steps are growth, but it takes an awful lot of them to cover much ground. Start small, involving your child in tasks where success is easy to see -- a backpack, a drawer, a bookshelf -- and work from there. Better that you hold the reins on some projects and let your child lead on others than that you try to tackle an entire bedroom and end up yelling at each other. No level of organization is worth sacrificing your relationship with your child.

One last thing. When you've put your child in charge, don't go back and re-do what he or she has done. Nothing wrecks confidence faster, not to mention inspiring a complete lack of cooperation the next time around. For your sake as well as your child's, assist when asked, then walk away.

Much, much easier said (written) than done, but remember, you're in this for the long haul.

True Confessions Wednesday: No List Saturday

True Confession #38: Sometimes, I need a "look around" day.

I have a quote posted in my office that says, "Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road." With apologies to the author which, according to the Internet, is Robert Updegraff, I would argue that sometimes, organization is found along the way, not at the end of the road.

Lately, I've been very list-driven. This sounds like a good thing but, if you're a recovering perfectionist like me, it's really only a good thing if you actually get to the bottom of the list (which I rarely do). In an ongoing effort to divorce myself from workaholism and recapture my weekends, I've been trying to keep my Saturday and Sunday lists more flexible so that I'm more flexible, too. 

Last Saturday, I ditched the list and took what I started calling a "look around" day (and yes, I hear Renée Elise Goldsberry's voice singing that, which makes it even more fun).

Look around. What do you see? What needs to be done? What do you want to tackle first? Those were the questions that formed my mental list on Saturday and, you know what? 

I got a lot done.

When I looked around, all the little hidden hot spots -- the "quiet collectors" that don't make it to the list -- came into focus. Sure, the obvious stuff jumped out, too, but most of those spots make it onto the lists I create all week long. If free-flow weekends are the balance to structured week days, then a "look around" Saturday was a perfect fit.

In many cases, the things that jumped out were the little things that annoyed me every time I walked by them -- a succession of small spots of clutter that I disregarded (kind of) because I was trying to stay focused on "the list." Most required less than fifteen minutes of my attention which, on a focus-on-the-list day was enough to pull me off-track. But, on a "look around" day, they were the list, the track -- the whole shebang.

In organizing, as in life, we sometimes need to step back and look at the whole picture before we zoom in and pour all of our time and energy into one small piece of the puzzle. "Look around" days help us prioritize in a different way, giving us permission to do what we want to do, to focus our attention on the thing that nags at us, even if no one else notices it.

I've said (repeatedly) that organizing is a process, but it's also a matter of balance -- balancing the big, must-do tasks with smaller tasks that can actually be more personally satisfying. Tackling all the little things that screamed for my attention every time I walked by them actually set me up for a week where it was easier to focus because there were fewer distractions. And now, when things call out to me during the week, I know I can choose to tackle them immediately, put them on the list, or save them for "Look Around Saturday," which I might just make a regular occurrence.

In fact, I know the perfect soundtrack to accompany it.