When Life Changes, Does the Organizing Magic Fade?

 When Know Thyself came out, Marie Kondo was all the rage. I was launching a book and she was launching a Netflix series. She was guest starring on late night TV and I was guest starring at my local Starbucks.

Formidable competition indeed. We weren't even in the same league.

A few months ago, I read that Marie Kondo has given up on tidiness. Now that she's a parent, her priorities have shifted, and time with her kids trumps the magic of tidying up, no matter how life-changing it might once have been. 

I've been pondering this post for quite a while, trying to find the right tone -- one that is gracious and compassionate rather than snarky and know-it-all but, the truth is, I can't help but feel a little smug. While I can't argue with her priorities, I'm a bit surprised that she didn't plan for this eventuality -- the day when she'd have to master the art of being both tidy and parental. 

In all fairness, I can't imagine that Marie Kondo has gone from tidy to tornado. But her book, like so many others in the organizing genre, fell prey to a central idea that marketers love, but living, breathing humans with full lives and families quickly recognize as a trap. That idea?

There is only one way to do this right.

Organization has to be sustainable, which means it needs to be flexible. It needs to account for the life you're living now, and the one you'll be living in six months, two years, five years, or more. It needs to take into account what is consistent, and what isn't, and be able to adjust to those changes.

What's consistent? You are. How you think and how you approach life should be built into how you organize. As your life changes, your systems may change, too, but they should change with you. It's exhausting to go back to the drawing board and rethink tidiness every time you move, grow, change, or add family members. 

I'm teetering dangerously on the edge of judgy here, so let me say this. Marie Kondo (who seems like a perfectly charming and lovely person) did a lot of good for a lot of people. But if you, like me, are not one of those people, that's okay. Life changes, and we change, which is why one method of organizing does not work for everyone, and any book that promises you a one-size-fits-all answer is, in my opinion, a temporary fix, at best. 

Organizing aside, there are two things I wanted readers to take away from Know Thyself: 

1. No matter how much clutter is in your life, you are neither hopelessly disorganized nor broken. There is a way forward.
2. When it comes to organizing, as with so many other things, one size does not fit all. Your organizing systems should be developed around you: your uniqueness, your foibles, your habits, your life, and your family -- no matter its size.
   

I've never met Marie Kondo, but I suspect we agree on #1, and even on some elements of #2. But if life changes send you back to the organizing drawing board, perhaps it's time to find a plan that has the potential to grow and change right along with you.

3 Keys Thursday: 3 Keys to Creating an Organizational To-Don't List

 Of all the STYLE letters, E for Easy Upkeep gets the least amount of attention. It's what we aim for, using systems that match our styles as our road map, but it doesn't actually come with a road map of its own. 

So, life happens, clutter happens and, some days, the upkeep isn't so easy. Frustration follows, and we fall back into the trap of feeling hopelessly disorganized.

But we're not. What's happened is that we (and our systems) have become overwhelmed and we need to step back and think about not just what comes next, but also what got us here.

Recently, I wrote a whole post about "to-don't lists" over on The Porch Swing Chronicles, and it got me thinking about how a to-don't list might apply to organization. It seemed useful, but, in the spirit of useful to-don't lists, I wanted to avoid making it a negative, scolding, cringe-worthy thing. 

Enter the abridged "to-don't" list: a very short, specific, single-item list, prompted by a single question. What one rule could possibly have prevented the pile-up? 

At my house, the dining room table rarely stays clear for more than a week. Much as I'd like to point fingers, the truth is that the fingers pointing back at me are the most accurate reflection of where the problem lies. A single, simple to-don't rule applies: "Don't put it down, put it away."

And it works. Until it doesn't. So maybe I need something even simpler -- something like "Don't put papers on the dining room table."

If I followed that rule, I'd eliminate probably 90% of the clutter that accumulates.

Three things need to be true of our organizing "to-don't" lists. 

• They need to consist of a single rule. No one wants to be nagged and negative self-talk just sends us back into the "I'm so disorganized" spiral, which neither solves the problem nor makes us feel good about ourselves.
• The rule needs to be clear. The more open to interpretation it is, the easier it is to make excuses.
• The rule needs to be easy to follow. "Don't put it down, put it away" works great for me most of the time. But, when I'm tired and/or overwhelmed, I promise myself I'll do the "put it away" part tomorrow and, before I know it, the clutter is winning.

I cannot stress enough that the tone of the "to-don't" rule should be less command than light-hearted, humorous, and/or nurturing. Why? Because nagging never (successfully) accomplished anything. In addition, Organizing by STYLE is about remembering that you are at the center of the process, and you deserve to be treated nicely. 

Even when you make mistakes. 

Even when the paper clutter obscures the pretty tablecloth. 

Even when the same zone magnetically acquires clutter again and again because the three steps to put it where it belongs feel like three steps too many.

Some days, the clutter wins. But, if we have the right tools in our arsenal, we can emerge triumphant (and feeling good about ourselves) more often than not.

It's a process.

Then and Now: When it Doesn't All Fit

 

Then:

 It's 9:50 pm and I am just starting this post. It's far to say that I'm a little overbooked.

Although I love to be busy isn't my primary style, I do sometimes bite off a tad more than I can chew. When that happens, things pile up, and even making a list of what I need to do can be stressful because that means admitting everything I have to do.

As I see it, there are three ways to dig out when you're overwhelmed.

All at once. Pick a time, grit your teeth and power through. Give yourself a little leeway if you can by setting aside more time than you think you'll need, and don't despair if you don't make it all the way through. You're aiming for progress, not perfection.

A little at a time. No big chunks of time available? Five minutes here and fifteen minutes there can still lead to progress. It's slower going, so the piles linger and the to-do lists stay long for longer, but sometimes, it's the only option. Again, you're aiming for progress, not perfection.

The delegation plan. Is all of this really yours to do? Hand off what you can hand off (and be willing to accept the manner in which the person you delegated the job to does the job) and tackle the rest using one of the plans above. And hey, progress is still progress whether you did it yourself or assigned it to someone else.

If you, like me, have been here before, you've probably learned that what's important gets done and what falls through the cracks might just have landed exactly where it belongs. Take it one step at a time and forge your path. And, if it doesn't all get done...

Tomorrow is another day.

Now: A few weeks ago, I took on a new project, doing some work for a textbook company. I'm enjoying it, and I have no regrets...but I also don't have any extra hours in the day, so something has to give. Often, since the project is a cross between my writing and my teaching, it's my writing time that gets pushed aside, and new blog posts fall by the wayside. While delegation isn't my best thing (I'm used to having jobs where it isn't an option), it's my friend right now, at least until I get through this project. But, each day, I put writing on my list, optimistic that I won't run out of day before I run out of list. Some days, I get there, some days I don't. But each day is a new opportunity to set my priorities and make progress.

A little at a time.

 

Organizing Ideas

  I love notebooks. I've collected so many, in fact, that I might actually have a lifetime supply. Some of my stash is brand new, just waiting for the right task, but I also have a significant number of partially used notebooks and journals, many of which were my daughter's at various stages in her development. When only the first few pages have been used, they're worth setting aside and repurposing (have to save those trees!).

My most recent repurpose is a book journal. I got the idea from a stationery website. I clicked on their book journal, thinking it was a cool idea, but quickly discovered it offered much more detail and structure than I wanted or needed.

But just as quickly, I decided that I both needed and wanted a book journal. So, I dug through my collection and quickly found the perfect candidate. With a laminated cover about the same thickness as a composition book (only prettier), it was just right.

I quickly dug into setting up my pages with the information I wanted to record. Now, whenever I finish a book (whether traditional, e-book, or audiobook), I know just where to go to make notes about it and record all the information I want to remember.  Not only does it create a record that's fun to review, but it takes my reading resolution to the next level.

It's funny how one thing can lead to another. A few Sundays ago, I decided to make time for a Sunday Sampling of my Kindle content. Suddenly, I knew just where I wanted to keep track of things. I opened to a clean page in my reading journal and began recording the books I was in the middle of (many of which I'd forgotten I started), which book samples showed promise, and a few other details I wanted to keep track of. Sure, it's all on my Kindle but having it all on one page suits my I need to see it personal style. In addition, it was relaxing to spend the time exploring and planning.

When we think of organizing, we usually think of organizing stuff and sometimes, we think of organizing time. But, it's also important to think about how we organize ideas. Often, they belie their incredible value, showing up when we least expect them -- while we're in the shower, while we're driving to work, just before we fall asleep -- at times when preserving them is a challenge. Sure, we can scribble them on scraps of paper.

But don't they deserve a place of their own? A place where they can bloom and grow and blossom? A place where we can find them and take them to the next level?

Where will you store your ideas?

Still the One

 Last week, I filled the third of these planners -- the one I first wrote about in September 2021. Luckily, I asked for new ones as gifts for Christmas and my birthday, so I already had several blank ones at the ready. Still, I'm thinking of purchasing an extra, just in case. I've used a lot of planners for both personal and professional purposes, but this is one of the few that has stood the test of time over multiple years. 

Do you love your 2023 planner? If not, it may not be too late to find one that's a better fit. While the selection is much smaller than it would have been a few months ago, the prices are great because not many people are looking for new planners in March. Or, you can go with an undated planner, which gives maximum flexibility.

Life is short. Buy the pretty planner :-)

I recently bought a new planner. I didn't need a new planner. I have plenty of planners. 

Yes, planners. Plural.

But it was pretty. And undated so, theoretically, it will outlast my current planners.

Did I mention it's pretty?

Shallow as that sounds, I really don't judge a planner by (just) its cover. In the end, while pretty was a key factor, the interior layout sealed the deal. Each page has room for my daily schedule, three daily priorities, and a to-do list. There's also room at the bottom to note food and water intake for the day, should I so desire.

I don't. I keep track of that on my phone.

My hope was that having my schedule, priorities and lists bound into a book, I'd reduce the ubiquitous flurry of papers that litters my desk, and I would (almost) never need to dig to find my to-do list. 

So far, so good. I still jot down notes on random pieces of paper from time to time, but I'm developing the habit of adding those items to the list in the book, usually the same day. In addition, I'm learning to keep the book close at hand in the evenings, when to-do list items pop into my head.

katespade.com

After purchasing the planner, I discovered that the pages are perforated, making it easy to pull out an unfinished list and tuck it into the next day's page, rather than re-writing it. I haven't yet done that, but it's nice to know it's an option. 

Truth be told, no matter how useful it is, this planner was a splurge. I saw it, I liked it and, although I didn't buy it right away, I bought it in spite of the fact that I didn't need it.

Am I sorry? Not a bit. It has much more room than the pages I was previously using for my week-at-a-glance cheat sheets (but the flip side of that is that it also takes up more room than those single sheets). As it turns out, that's an unexpected bonus. I rarely fill every line in the to-do list section of the daily pages, and my daily schedule isn't usually lengthy enough to fill that section either. The resulting white space is calming, reassuring me, in a way, that although my day was busy, it wasn't overwhelming.

Not on paper anyway.

Organizing is a practical process. If the tools we use aren't up to the task, we need to replace them. But, from time to time, we all need a tool that's pretty and practical because that combination can make organizing not only fun, but a habit as well. 

List-Shifting

 It's my spring break (in the form of a long weekend) and I've been making a to-do list for more than a week. Characteristically, the things on the list (which don't even include items from my work to-do list) will likely take more than a week to accomplish.

Call me an overachiever. 

Lots of the items on the list include things that don't need to be finished -- working on a jigsaw puzzle, taking time for writing and sketchnoting, reading for fun. Others sit squarely on the spend-some-time-on-it/finish-it line, threatening a sense of dissatisfaction unless I check them off the list completely. 

When it comes to those items, I have a choice. I can strike them from the list completely, determining that a break is not supposed to be stressful, or I can readjust my mindset.

So which is the answer?

It depends. Case in point. I had originally put "paint dining room wall" on the list. A few weeks ago, my husband and I selected some new colors that are way outside of our usual box. Before committing, I wanted to paint one wall and live with it for a bit.

Then, one day earlier this week, I found out that my husband would be working from home for part of this afternoon. I don't know why I feel the need to have an entire day at my disposal to paint this wall, but I do. After being grumpy for a while (I hadn't told him about the wall--I'd wanted it to be a surprise), I decided that the amount of brainpower (not to mention work) it would take to accomplish this task over break was sucking all the joy out of break. Since I didn't seem to be having much success in the "adjust my mindset" realm, I went a different way.

I took "paint dining room wall" off the break list and added to a Saturday list. Now, I also have the added benefit of finding a time to pick up the paint. 

I could have left that to-do list slot free, creating lovely white space where a task had been. But you know where this is going.

I added something new. Something less labor and time intensive. 

We've also been talking about replacing the floor in our bathroom. The current floor was ill-advised (I take full responsibility) and I'd love something new. So, instead of painting a wall, I'm going to go pick out floor samples. 

What does all of this have to do with organizing?

First of all, it's about organizing time -- free time, to be precise. In this overrated world of adulting, free time is a rare commodity. Personally, I protect mine with a fierceness usually demonstrated by animals in the wild. I'm very particular about what makes the cut (list) and what doesn't. And, once the list begins to grow, it's even more important to determine what should go and what should stay. 

Deciding this depends on how we want to spend our free time. Whether it's a few free hours or a few free days, we can opt for productivity, creativity, relaxation, or another option entirely. Personally, I usually have a bunch of things I want to do but never seem to find time for -- those are the ones that make the list and stay there. Then, I need to organize my time, my lists, and my priorities in order to spend that gift of time in the way that best suits me.

When it comes to organizing spaces, we need to do this same sort of list-shifting. Have a project that needs a big chunk of time? You can either set aside that big chunk or tackle it in small pieces.

Have several projects to tackle? (Don't we all?) Determining how the projects fit together in terms of importance, time commitment, desire, and urgency (to name a few) is key to making the most of the time we have. 

Our personal and organizational styles--along with our moods and energy levels--help determine the best use of our time. And, whether it's free time, found time, or a run-of-the-mill Saturday afternoon, we often have the most success accomplishing a task when our heart is really in it. Because we don't always have that luxury, we should take full advantage of it when we do.